Yet Another Star Trek Fanfiction
by PinkRose99
Summary: When Victoria Saralonde is assigned to the Starship Enterprise on its five year mission, she must not let love and emotions get in the way of her work... Somehow.
1. Chapter 1: New Ensign on a New Mission

Chapter 1-New Ensign on a New Mission

I stood at attention nervously, desperately trying to make the butterflies in my stomach fly in formation.

After what seemed like forever, Captain Kirk walked into the meeting room, followed by a friendly-looking man in a red shirt, a little beady-eyed alien (also in a red shirt) and a very grumpy-looking man in a blue shirt.

The aforementioned grumpy-looking science officer spoke first. "Dammit, Jim, why'd you bring me along? I'm a doctor, not an engineer!"

Kirk grinned. "Partially to annoy you, and partially because I think you'll like her."

The man—not alien—in operations sighed. "Can we get on with the stinkin' introductions? I'd like to meet the lass before she's fifty!"

I gave a quiet smirk. "Permission to speak freely, Captain?"

"Permission granted, Ensign."

"I'd like to get on with the introductions as well, before I die of nervousness!"

The science officer rolled his eyes. "You do realize that it's impossible—"

"BONES! SHUT UP!" Both Kirk and the man in operations yelled, turning to the science officer—Bones?—obviously annoyed.

"And he's the one with the metaphors," Kirk muttered.

"Hey! I heard that!"

As the group got into an argument, I turned to the little alien, who had been quiet the entire time. "Since they probably won't get to the formal introductions for a while: Hi, I'm Ensign Victoria Saralonde."  
"Keenser," was all he said. Keenser went up to the man in operations and stared at him for a while.

Finally, he got the message. "Captain? Can we get on with the introductions now? As I said, I'd like to meet the lass within a year!"

"Yes, Scotty." He turned to me. "Apologies, Ensign." Kirk pointed to the man in operations. "This is Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott, chief engineer."

"Please, call me Scotty," the man said.

Kirk then pointed to Keenser, who shook his head. "Okay, I see you've already met Keenser."

Finally, he pointed to the very grouchy science officer. "This is Dr. Leonard McCoy. I brought him because I thought you'd like to know that he is from Georgia as well."

I smiled at this. When I spoke, I let my Southern accent slip into my voice. "Well, then, I guess I'll have to brush up on my insert stereotypical Southern recreational activity here skills so I can enjoy some quality time with this Georgian gentleman."

Dr. McCoy tipped an imaginary hat. "Anytime, darlin'."

Kirk muttered something about a man named Spock raising an eyebrow before turning to me. "I'll just leave you with Scotty & Keenser so they can show you around the ship." At this, he grabbed Dr. McCoy by the arm and forcibly dragged him out of the room.

After the doors shut, Scotty turned to me. "Come on, lass, we've got to get you acquainted with the ship."

We walked out of the meeting room, Scotty in the lead.


	2. Chapter 2: Falling Relapses

"…And these are the matter-antimatter generators…"

I smirked as I listened to Scotty, who was so engrossed in his lecture that he hadn't noticed that Keenser and I were sitting on top of one of the support beams.

Keenser poked me—the signal to alert Scotty that we were up here. I let out a bubbly giggle.

Scotty looked around, then, not seeing either Keenser or me, looked up. He sighed. "I see Keenser's infected ya already, lass. Get down, both of you!"

Keenser and I looked at each other before shaking our heads.

"At least you, Ensign. Do I have ta make tha' an order?"

I sighed. "Fine, Scotty. I'm coming."

I carefully made my way across the beam and began to climb down.

At about the third rung, I slipped and fell, sharp pain coursing through my ankle as I collapsed on the ground.

Scotty ran towards me, pushing through the people walking by, engrossed in their PADDs. "Lass! Are ya alright?"

I tried to get up, but failed epically. "No, Scotty, I'm not."

Keenser hurried down the ladder and ran towards us. He bent over and gave my ankle a gentle squeeze. I gasped as pain flashed up my leg.

Keenser looked up. "Broken."

Scotty's eyes widened. "Come on, lass, we've gotta get you to Sick Bay." He scooped me up and ran out the door, Keenser on his heels.


	3. Chapter 3: Do You Wanna Fix My Ankle?

Scotty ran into Sick Bay, still at a full sprint, but panting. I looked around, before seeing a head of familiar curly red hair. _Annabelle!_ I thought. Even though there was a chance that it wasn't her, I began to sing: "Do you wanna build a snowman?"

To my delight, it was Annabelle! She sang the second line, our agreed way of greeting: "Come on, let's go and play!"

We sang the rest in unison, just like we agreed to do, so many years before. "I never see you anymore, come out the door, it's like you've gone away! We used to be best buddies, and now we're not. I wish you would tell me why! Do you wanna build a snowman? It doesn't have to be a snowman!"

We were cut off by an irritated voice. "Lt. MacLowry! Stop singing that! It was annoying the first time!"

"Sorry, Doctor! I jus' haven't seen Victoria in foreva!"

"Victoria?" Dr. McCoy walked out to where we were and, seeing me in Scotty's arms, sighed. "Your first day here and you already managed to hurt yourself, Ensign?"

Keenser pointed at my ankle. "Broken."

Dr. McCoy took me from Scotty, carefully avoiding hitting my injured ankle against anything. "Thank you, Keenser. No offense, but I'm still going to check for myself, because I'm the doctor, and you're not."

If Keenser could manipulate his features to look indignant, he did.

Scotty looked at Keenser. "Would ya go back ta Engineering? I dunnae trust anyone else, other than me, to keep tha Enterprise in order."

Keenser nodded and walked out. Scotty & Annabelle followed Dr. McCoy (and me, but I didn't really count, since I was being carried) inside.

As the doctor began fixing my ankle (he had confirmed Keenser's diagnosis), I looked up at Annabelle.

"Since I haven't heard from you in at least ten years, what's new?"

She grinned at me sheepishly. "Sorry, Vikki. I'll start with ta big news firs': Scotty is my boyfriend." She leand towards me like she had a huge secret. "And I've been dropping hints!"

I giggled. "Anna-banana!"

She gently punched me in the shoulder. "Ya know how I feel abou' tha' name!"

"Hey, at least I didn't call you Popsicle," I retorted.

We were cut off by Dr. McCoy. "Ensign! Stop swinging your legs! What are you trying to do, kick me in the head?"

"Noooo…" I said innocently, gently kicking him in his chin with my good foot.

He sighed and stood up. "I'm going to need you off that foot for a while, Ensign, so you're going to have to stay here."

Scotty broke off his kissing session with Annabelle. "Can we star here an' keep her company?"

"No, because I know you two, and you're going to use it as an excuse to suck face. Get back to your posts!"

"Aye, Captain," Scotty muttered. He & Annabelle stood and walked out.

"Sheesh," Dr. McCoy said under his breath. He returned to whatever he had been doing on his PADD before I got there, which I suspected wasn't of much importance.

"Doctor?"

"Mm?"

"If that isn't super important, can you keep me company? Seeing as you just kicked Annabelle and Scotty out…"

He put down his PADD. "Sure," he replied. "What do you want to talk about?"

I shrugged. "I just need to talk. Is there anything wrong with that, Doctor?"

"No, but there is something wrong with that sentence."

"What? It's grammatically correct, and I used the correct words. What could be wrong?"

"What you called me. I don't mind being called "Doctor" by my staff, but I don't like being called that by other people."

I blinked in surprise. Most people liked being called by their titles. "What should I call you, then?"

He shrugged. "Most people call me Bones, and that's okay with me."

I smiled. I would have asked why people called him that, but I decided that that would be prying. "Okay… Bones."

I found, in the ensuing conversation, that, though we both grew up in Georgia, we were very different. I was used to this life-in-the-fast-lane existence, because I grew up in the urban landscape of Atlanta. Bones, on the other hand, grew up on a farm, growing peaches, among other things.

By the time we finished out conversation, I was exceedingly tired, and Bones declared me well enough to walk back to my quarters. We said goodnight, and, once I was in my quarters, I mentally declared today successful, with the exception of my broken ankle.


	4. Chapter 4: Speedy Work (The Elements)

The next day, Scotty & I were making some minor repairs to the dilithium crystal housing when he looked up. "I end shif' in five minutes, and Keenser's off now. Can ya go get Ensign Chekov, please? There's no one else tha' I really trus'."

"Then why do you trust me?" I asked, not looking up from my work.

"Because ya wen' to Georgia Tech. I almos' wen' there, before I decided ta join Starfleet."

I looked up and grinned. "So it's just because I'm a ramblin' rec from Georgia Tech…"

"And a hell of an engineer! Yeah, pretty much. Can ya still go ge' Chekov, please?"

I put down my screwdriver. "Sure. Where is he?"

"On ta bridge."

My response was to stand up and walk out the door.

"Permission to enter the bridge, Captain?"

"Permission granted," he said automatically. As I walked up to his chair, he actually looked at the person he had just let on the bridge—namely, me. "Ensign! Aren't you supposed to be in Engineering?"

"I would be, if Mr. Scott wasn't off shift in five minutes. He sent me here to get Ensign Chekov."

"Oh…" came the reply. "Ensign Chekov?"

A slight boy with curly blond hair turned around in his chair at the navigation helm. "Yes, Keptin?"

"You're needed in Engineering. Please go with Miss Saralonde."

I mentally thanked the Captain for not giving away the fact that I was the same rank as Chekov. If he had, Chekov might have been less likely to follow my orders when we were fixing things in Engineering.

"Keptin? Do you still want me to input coordinates?"

"Yes, Chekov, as soon as I figure out what those coordinates are going to be." Kirk turned to me. "Do you have any ideas?"

I walked up to the screen in the front of the bridge and looked out at the stars. Finally, I found the correct star and pointed to it. "Second star to the right and straight on till morning."

"Mr. Chekov, please calculate coordinates and input course."

"Yes, sir."

Bones, who was also on the bridge, figured out my reference and rolled his eyes. "Maybe we'll get to Neverland."

I turned to him with a giant grin on my face. "That was kind of the point, Bones."

He gave me a gentle punch in the arm, and Kirk looked between the two of us, with his expression one of curiosity, before a scheming look came over his face.

I sighed. "Can Mr. Chekov and I go now, Captain?"

He gave a simple nod, and I walked into the turbolift, Chekov close behind.

As Chekov and I stood in the turbolift, I turned to him. "Just out of curiosity, how old are you?" I asked him. He seemed a little young to even be in Starfleet, let alone on a Constitution-class starship.

"19, ma'am. I know it's rude to ask this, but how old are you?"

"31, and yet I'm the same rank as you are." If he now knew my age, he might still be a little more willing to follow orders, even though we were the same rank.

"31? And yet you are ze same rank?"

"Yep. I started out in architecture before I joined Starfleet. It took a few years of naïve-ness before I figured out that architecture wasn't working out that well."

"Wow."

We walked into Engineering to see an impatient Scotty waiting for us. "Finally! Ya decided to get here! I thought ya took some detours for extracurricular activities or something!"

I mentally calculated the difference between mine and Chekov's ages when the reference clicked. "Scotty! We're 12 years apart!"

Chekov looked between the two of us, eyes full of confusion. "Vat does he mean? I don't get it."

I shook my head. "You lucky, young, naïve kid. I'd love to not get that reference."

"Hey! I'm not a kid!" Chekov exclaimed indignantly.

"You are in comparison to me," I retorted.

"Oi! Would you two stop actin' like siblings? Ya have ta get ta work!"

"Sorry, Scotty," I replied. "Did you finish the housing?"

"Aye. Ya just have to fix this shuttle over here. She's not completely banjaxed, but she's pretty close." He dropped the wrench he was holding… Onto his foot. "Ai! Cac!"

I sighed and shoved Scotty out the door. "You're off shift now, Mr. Scott. Go to Sick Bay and get them to have a look at your foot, since that's a heavy wrench. Shoo!"

When I got back over to the shuttle, Chekov already had the hatch to the engine open and was peering inside. "I see vat he is talking about."

"Eh?"

Chekov pointed at a certain point in the engine. "Ze fuel compartment is 'busted'."

"Oh… Of course," I said, taking a closer look. "Let's get to work."

A little while later, we were still working, and I was automatically singing my "work song"—"The Elements" by Tom Lehrer.

Chekov looked at me in confusion at about osmium. "Vat are you singing?"

I looked up. "Oh, oops. I'm singing "The Elements" by Tom Lehrer. It's a song from the 20th century."

"As in, the periodic table?" he asked.

"As in, the periodic table," I confirmed.

"Can you teach me?"

"Sure," I told him, before I began to sing a little louder. "There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium, and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium and nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium, and iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium, europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium and lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium and gold, protactinium and indium and gallium and iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium." ( watch?v=r7hO-1ItqXw for the entire song)

We were at about molybdenum in our third run-through when the man who I now knew as Spock approached us. "What are you singing?"

I turned. "It's called "The Elements." It's by Tom Lehrer, who is from the 20th century. It's about the periodic table."

"Oh. Would you teach me? It would help me memorize the elements, most likely."

"Sure! We're done with the shuttle, anyway." I shut the engine compartment. "Do you want to go to a rec room to learn?"

"That seems logical."


	5. 5: Spock, a Modern Science Officer

Later, in the very same rec room, I had Spock singing the entire song. Bones came by and listened, a very strange expression on his face.

When Spock finished, Bones finally spoke. "Spock, you are not the very model of a modern Major-General."

I started cracking up the moment the reference clicked. Spock looked very confused. "What do you mean? I do not understand."

"Oh, dear Valar!" I said between laughs. "I completely forgot that the music was from _Pirates of Penzance_! The original song is called "I am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General". The song isn't logical, but Tom Lehrer used the music for his song about the elements."

"Let me see if I can find it on my PADD," Bones said, pulling out his PADD. He typed in a search and something came up that obviously was the song, as he handed it to Spock. Chekov scooted over and looked over Spock's shoulder, so I assumed that he had never heard of the play either.

About halfway through, Chekov couldn't hold in his laughter any more. He just started to laugh, about the same way I had been a few minutes earlier. Spock kept his blank expression.

When Spock handed the PADD back to Bones, he spoke, and I'm assuming the strain in his voice was him trying not to laugh. "I find that very illogical. Why would a Major-General know all that?"

"I have no idea. It's Gibbs & Sullivan, okay? They make no sense." At this, Bones walked away.

Eventually, while I was still off-shift, I was sitting on the same support beam that I fell off of, only, this time, I was in a lacey dress, cowboy boots, and I was holding an open notebook and a pen. I had "I am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" stuck in my head, and I had to do something about it! I finally decided to write a spoof, but I couldn't figure out about what, so I let my mind wander.

Finally, my mind wandered to Bones' comment that began the whole discussion. _"Spock, you are not the very model of a modern Major-General."_

Then, the light bulb went off! I would write a spoof about Spock!

After about a half hour of pondering, writing, crossing out, writing, pondering, writing, etc., I came up with a full song, titled "I am the Very Model of a Modern Science Officer". It went something like this:

I am the very model of a modern science officer,

I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,

I know the famous Vulcans, and I quote the regulations

From sections 1 to 100, in order categorical;

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,

I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,

About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;

I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

I am the very model of a modern science officer.

I know our savage history, Romulins and controversy;

I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,

I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of old Vulcan High Command,

In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,

I know every syllable from a song by Miss Saralonde-y!

Then I can hum a verse of which I've heard the music's din afore,

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense_ Elements_.

Then I can write a new report in ancient Vulcan calligraphy,

And tell you ev'ry detail of the Enterprise's plann'd blueprints:

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

I am the very model of a modern science officer.

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",

When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a Javelin,

When such affairs are social and surprises I'm more wary at,

And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,

When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery –

In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy –

You'll say a better science officer has never sat a gee.

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,

Has only been brought down to the middle of the century;

But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

I am the very model of a modern science officer.

I had only changed some of the words to fit Spock, but it was very close to the original. (For the original, watch watch?v=zSGWoXDFM64)

At that moment, Spock walked into Engineering—I guessed he needed Scotty for something. I quickly tore out that page, folded into a paper airplane, and threw it at Spock. It landed at his feet, and he picked it up, looked at me, and opened it.

He read through it, then, noticing Scotty looking over his shoulder, handed it to Scotty before looking up at me. "Why did you write this?"

"I needed to get the song out of my head! That was how I decided to," I yelled down.

Bones walked up next to Spock and looked up at me. "There you are, Victoria! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Why?" I yelled back.

"The captain needs you! Would you get down?"

"Fine!" I suddenly decided to annoy him, plus, my other reasoning for asking him this next question was, as Spock would put it, logical. "Can you catch me? I don't feel like letting people see my… ahem… undergarments."

He sighed. "Alright. You can jump any time now."

And so, I jumped, landing in his arms. It occurred to me for the span of about 2 seconds that I wanted to stay there, but I ignored the feeling.

Bones put me down, and then we walked out the door, on the way to the bridge.


End file.
